Nightmare
by Graciegirl2001
Summary: Upon returning to Ishval for the reconstruction, Roy begins having nightmares.


Nightmares had never been a stranger to Roy. In fact, they had become a daily occurence ever since the war.

Roy knew it wasn't just him who suffered from the night terrors. He could see it in the grief stricken eyes adorned with dark circles belonging to Hawkeye, Armstrong, Hughes, and many other members of the military. Over the years they had all learned to bear the burden and try to quiet the screaming voices in their head.

However, that night was particularly terrible. Following the conclusion of the battle against Father and the Homonculi, Roy had buried himself in his work to restore Ishval and learn of its people.

He was indebted to the work, for letting him take a step forward, and give something back for once. However, once again becoming involved in the affairs of Ishval gave his inner demons a chance to come roaring back to life-bringing back old memories that had long since been hidden away.

On that night, in a large tent resting on Ishvalen soil, a multitude of nightmares kept a peaceful sleep far from the colonel.

Everyone in the encampment had long since gone to bed when the cries of terror began.

Riza awoke with a start, just seconds after hearing the pained sound. Within moments she had her rifle in hand, flinging open the flap of fabric dividing her side of the tent from the colonel's.

When no assassin immediately appeared before her, she looked around wildly for the cause of the distressed sound.

Roy hollered another plea for help, writhing on his cot.

"I'm so sorry, please... no! I'm sorry!" He shouted, still in a deep sleep.

Riza made another quick scan of the room, and when seeing no threat, uncocked her gun and placed in on the wooden table beside her.

She observed Roy warily, worried that his cries would wake the other residents of their camp. He was clearly experiencing a night terror, something she was all too familiar with herself. Their past deeds certainly had a way of coming back to haunt them at any peaceful moment.

The lieutenant had spent many fitfull night reliving her lowest moments and watching her greatest fears come to fruition. She was sure being at the home of all the terror did not help dull Roy's memories.

She approached him carefully, not wanting to frighten him.

"Colonel, wake up," she spoke, not daring to bring her voice above a whisper.

Roy cried out again, his face pinched together in terror.

Riza shook him gently, trying to snap him out of the trance.

"Colonel you are dreaming, wake up," she said, slightly louder now. "Colonel, you have to wake up, it's not real!"

Riza could hear stirring from a nearby tent.

"Colonel... Colonel!" The lieutenant wracked her brain in desperation. "Roy!" She finally hissed in a whisper.

The man's eyes flashed open at the sound of his name. Riza sighed in relief, looking around warily.

"Hawkeye," he breathed, looking around. "What's happening?"

Riza ran a hand through her messy hair worriedly. "You had a nightmare. You wouldn't stop screaming."

Roy winced, and squeezed his eyes shut tightly, remembering the events of the dream. "Right. I'm sorry Lieutenant," he said, his voice sounding pained.

She could see his hands shaking ever so slightly as he pushed himself into a sitting position.

Riza shifted her weight to her other foot, unsure of what to do, before slowly turning back to her side of the tent.

"Hawkeye."

His desperate voice stopped her in her tracks.

"Please... stay..." He whispered.

Riza turned, seeing the familiar loneliness and fear in his eyes. That silent plea- he couldn't bear to be alone with his thoughts.

She hesitating, knowing very well she should return to her own cot. Knowing that turning around was every bit as dangerous as a night masked assassin. However, she couldn't leave him... not like this.

The lieutenant took one last look over her shoulder before carefully sitting on the end of Roy's cot.

They sat in silence for a long moment before Riza finally spoke in a hushed tone.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She questioned, not daring to meet his eyes.

Roy sighed, rubbing his neck. He didn't answer immediately, and at first Riza thought he wouldn't speak up at all. But just as she resigned to move on from the question, the colonel spoke, voice low and mournful.

"It was all of them."

Riza jumped slightly at his words finally rang out. She was partly surprised he wanted to rehash the nightmare at all, seeing what kind of state it put him in.

Roy continued. "Every man women and child that died at my hand gathered before me. I couldn't see their faces, but they were familiar nonetheless."

Riza glanced over at the colonel, eyebrows furrowed in worry. His head was down, hands clasped together so tightly she could see the white of his knuckles.

"They were so tormented, and angry... rightfully so. Hordes of them came at me, trying desperately to tear me apart. They wouldn't stop screaming." Roy's voice wavered and he paused.

Riza resisted the urge to reach out to him. Her heart thumped wildly in her chest, imaging what it would feel like to see them all there like that again. She could almost see the faces she had carefully memorized... unable to turn away as Roy had when she ended their lives.

"I knew I deserved it," Roy whispered harshly. "But... I was terrified. I begged them for mercy." He sounded disgusted. The colonel turned to Riza, eyes shining with angry tears.

"Why couldn't I just let them take me? Even if it was only a dream, here was a chance to finally atone for what I've done and I tried to run... like a coward. I don't don't deserve mercy, or forgiveness, or redemption!"

He slammed a fist down against the mattress. "Yet... time after time I keep chasing after them, like a child."

Riza listened silently as his breathing slowed, unsure of how to respond.

"I just want it to be over Riza..." Roy barely whispered, head down. "What good can a man like me do-"

"Stop."

Roy look up in surprise.

"You fool..." Riza added roughly, shaking her head.

The colonel looked at her in confusion.

"Just... stop..." She whispered, fighting tears of her own. "You and I... we've done terrible, terrible things. We never will, and never should forget them."

Roy bowed his head in shame. He already knew this. It was a truth that never left him.

"But-" She continued, grasping his hands desperately.

The man looked up, meeting Riza's eyes, blazing with emotion.

"You can't go bearing all the burden," she squeezed his hands. "All of us have done wrong. All of us have made mistakes. Let me help bear the load... please."

Roy watched her silently, confused.

"And never think that abandoning your life will fix anything." Riza gave him a piercing stare. "As soon as you start saying stupid things like that it becomes all for naught. You can't help anyone by dying. The only way you can end the suffering of those people is by living."

She lifted his chin delicately. "... And Roy-" she breathed, her voice barely a whisper.

The colonel looked up in surprise.

"Please... keep using your life for their good. Don't just throw it away." Riza looked down, dropping her hand back into her lap. "They- ... I... need you here."

They were both silent for what felt like hours. Finally, Riza, having nothing else to say, stood and turned to leave.

His legs almost having a will of their own, Roy stood and clasped her wrist, pulling her into an embrace.

The lieutenant emitted a noise of surprise but didn't pull away.

"You're right. I'm sorry, that was a selfish thing to say," he whispered into her hair.

Then, ever so gently, he kissed her.

Riza stumbled back in shock, hand against her lips.

"Thank you for always being there to set me straight."

She only stared at him, stunned. "Colonel I-"

"You need your sleep lieutenant," he smiled fondly, letting go of her hand.

"But Colon-"

"Thank you again," Roy smiled softly, before lying back down on his cot.

After a pause, Riza stiffly walked back to her bed, forgetting to even grab her gun back from the nightstand.

She certainly wouldn't be able to sleep any time soon.


End file.
